The meaning of life...

As I lay in bed trying to sleep, I can't! Good thing I can't because now a rooster is cock-a-doodle-dooing... I have news for that rooster, it's 11pm, and certainly not time to wake up. Had I been asleep and it woke me up, I would have made my way out back and had some words with that rooster!!!

As I lay here, I am thinking... I had a conversation with a girlfriend the other day about the meaning of life, why is she teaching? Why am I here in Guatemala? Who knows, but I keep pondering this thought. My uncle emailed me a few weeks ago and stuck a sentence in that I have had on my mind since...

"I think what you’re doing envelopes the meaning of life at its best."

About 10 minutes ago, I had my headphones in being sung to sleep by Sarah McLachlan, but my mind wouldn't stop thinking... so I checked my email in hopes of some answers and in hopes of not typing at all, but I don't think I will be able to sleep until these thoughts are written for all to see!

Why have I been so very blessed in my life to have more then 1 pair of shoes? Crap, I have way more than 1 pair... I don't even wear all the pairs I have. I have an education, therefore can read and write. My math skills might be less then desirable, but I suppose I can't be perfect, right? We did a visit to a house a few days ago. A little boy of maybe 5 answered us when we asked what he wanted to be when he grows up... "I want to go to college so that I can read." I'm sorry, you're 5... what do you know about college? I did the bare minimum in college, and that's what he wants to do when he grows up? Where have things gone wrong??? For us... or for them?

At another visit we went to leave and there were 2 little boys playing in the middle of the road. I told Julio I would get them out of the road so they wouldn't get run over. I tried to converse, but it was a joke as I wracked my brain with, how in the... do I say "get out of the way boys... look out, the car is coming..." I felt retarded, and they just stared. Luckily a woman came out next door and told them before it was to late. In the mean time, part of the reason I couldn't come up with the correct words, was because I still don't know the correct words and because I was in awww of what they were doing. I'm still kicking myself for having put my bag in the car with my camera in it!! Picture this... These 2 boys, maybe 3 and 4, absolutely filthy, barefoot in heavily dusty dirt, squating down around something. When I got close enough and spoke to them, they looked up, didn't move, just stared at me and protected their 9 marbles by a circle they had drawn in the dirt with a stick. (that is the shot I wanted and have engraved in my mind.) They looked at me, and kept protecting their marbles. When they were told to move in a language they understood, up they went with almost all of their marbles, leaving 3 behind. As the van started coming back, the littlest boy runs back, could care less about the van, grabs his 3 marbles, and went on to play in the dirt with his friend or brother with their marbles. Again I ask... where did things go wrong? For who? Them or us?

You're absolutely right, these poor people are filthy, with no shoes, no showers... or course, life went wrong for them! But I beg to differ... Yes, they have a tough life, but do they know the meaning of life? Are they happy? Do they smile? These kids are happier with 9 marbles than I've seen kids in the states, in my classrooms that have any and every toy they could dream of. What would kids in the states do with 9 marbles in the dirt? How long would that last? Yeah, about 5 minutes, onto bigger and better. I hate to say this but it's alarmingly true and I hope it doesn't come to a shock to any of you... kids in America are spoiled rotten. They are brats, they don't appreciate their toys or the food they are given. If they keep getting away with murder and running the show at home, they will never understand or appreciate what life is about. Sharing, what's that? Vegetables, not a chance! What if that was their only option... then what? I may never have the chance to teach again after that comment, but at this point, it's a chance I'm willing to risk. Some of you have no idea what it's like to come from seeing these kids fight over a pb&j sandwich and gulp a bag of rice milk down so fast that they never even tasted it, to a classroom of kids complaining their parents didn't give them dessert, or that they don't want their string cheese. Please educate your children in a way that they appreciate life and what they have.

Do we as adults know what its like to actually 'PROVIDE' for our families? Do we know what it's like to work to survive. And I'm not talking about working in an air conditioned office in our suits. I'm talking about WORKING. Hiking into the hills to collect wood in order to make food for supper while sweating buckets. Besides camping for a weekend and making a fire to roast marshmallows, how many of you have had to get wood to survive? Not to mention, you have an entire village and all of them need wood, after a while, one's going to have to hike a ways to get their wood. Do you hand wash your clothes? Maybe occasionally. Let me tell you, I tried just to wash some underwear the other day... I think I need lessons. That is some hard physical labor, and I was washing in my sink with running water. I didn't carry a bucket on my head full of my families clothes a mile to the river, to stand in the river for over an hour scrubbing my clothes against the rocks. Then hey guess what, hope your not to tired after that, because you get to carry it all back home now. Maybe wet, maybe you had time to let it dry. Do you appreciate your closet & dressers full of clothes? I hope so, because they have a basket of clothes on their floor, and that is it! I can guarantee that they appreciate their clothes a lot more then you. Even though they wear their 4 outfits over and over and over. Who's life has more meaning now? I'm not saying ours has lost it's meaning, I'm just still wondering the meaning behind life and behind all we have. Does it make us better then them? Absolutely not! We are more fortunate and that's about it! Otherwise, we have lost all site of life. We are greedy, selfish, unhappy, materialistic & fake - complainers with everything! It's a shame you might want a nicer car cause I saw a little boy on my run yesterday that was riding a bike that was 8 sizes to big for him. He could peddel, but had to stand the whole time and I think his crotch was probably hitting the bar with every push! But, it beats walking everywhere! I still have no idea what the meaning of life is, and to be honest, none of this was going through my head before I couldn't sleep. If you have insight, send it this way. I am now heading to bed after an hours worth of a detour I wasn't even planning on taking! Goodnight and love to everyone! Enjoy the lives you live and appreciate what you have!!